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again, im incoherent.

I finally found someone who expressed intelligibility what i've been trying to say during the drinking session I had with my office buddies weeks before. One of my office buddies, teased me endlessly why I think self-fulfilment is so important before I get married. I told him that once I can say I'm happy with what I am, then I can really find myself committing to someone I love.
Anyway, she is a character in the book by Paulo Coelho, The Zahir. Im almost tempted to quote an entire chapter here just to get my point across. I'm sure its illegal, so let me try to tell you about it instead.
The character - her name is Esther - is married to a celebrity writer. She is asking her husband to let her be a war correspondent. The reason, she says, is her unhappiness despite having everything a woman could want. She gave several examples, like how a 'happy couple' seem happy when they worry about too many things, how accomplished people really wished to be someone else but was forced to be the way they are, without them knowing if its what they want or what others told them they wanted.
So...she goes on and searched for an epiphany why the world is unhappy. Why everyone seems unfulfilled. Or rather, if the world has always been like it is now.
I guess what i'm incoherently trying to say here is that you need to read the novel. I really don't know how to get express my thoughts into words. That's why I leave it to the experts.