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i procrastinate a lot. i put things in the back burner. now, let me try to write about it.

when i saw my friend terence the other day, he said.. 'ikaw kasi cess ayaw mo naman sumunod dun.' apparently he noticed that my words contradict my actions. i always tell them that yes, i want to be with him, yes we plan to live there together in the future. but i don't have a passport yet. i have done not a single step to be nearer to him. i just wait. wait without doing anything.

was it my subconscious telling me that i never wanted to leave the philippines and live in canada?


Posted in
i know a lot of people. i have a lot of friends. not one of them know the same side of me. i have different facets like a diamond. i say something to one friend that i would never tell another. it's rare when i tell someone something off the top of my head. i could never do that. i think about everything first before i tell my secrets.
you may know me, you may not, but one thing i can tell you. you can never say you really know me. even my ex. i did consider him my best friend, but there were a lot of things i kept hidden from him. there were in fact, a dozen. it's not impossible but since i still have my name attached to this blog he might one day get to read this so i still won't tell him. but one thing is for certain, i didn't betray him the way he betrayed me and our 6 year 8 month relationship. i didn't cheat on him.
yes it did occur to me to cheat on him. actually before the whole thing happened, i was thinking about it, but i didn't. i was too damn loyal. he got me on his hook. he always said it was difficult working and being there in canada. he was always telling me how pitiful he is. and i was thinking, it would break his heart if i cheat. boy, was i wrong.

to be continued...


i'm back.
after a long sojourn, i'm officially back.
i need an outlet to express my emotions because i am afraid i will lose my sanity if i don't start pouring it out. sorry to whoever reads this. i myself hate emotional vampires and needy people, but i just need to write to heal.
what do i need healing from?
my boyfriend of 6 years 8 months is gone.
gone because he has chosen to be loved and cared for by someone else. someone who can be physically beside him when i can't. and he is blaming me for not being there for him.
to those who don't know, he is canada. i am in the philippines. we have been together for 2 years 2 months when he left. we were both idealistic and believed in the romantic idea that long distance relationship will work as long as we have each other. obviously it didn't.
i'm not really sure when the relationship started falling apart.i will write about it later.