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By deegee

1

goodbye, 2010

Posted in
"Some people, they can't just move on, you know, mourn and cry and be done with it. Or at least seem to be. But for me... I don't know. I didn't want to fix it, to forget. It wasn't something that was broken. It's just...something that happened. And like that hole, I'm just finding ways, every day, of working around it. Respecting and remembering and getting on at the same time. "
— Sarah Dessen (The Truth about Forever)

By deegee

0

my choice

Posted in
My vote goes to Biyaheng Pinoy.

Yes, one of the biggest reason being that Wencel is my friend.

But the main reason is because I have been a witness - and I think, contributor - to its fruition. I have seen how the blog progressed from being just another amateur travel blog, to what it is now - a respected, prolific, credible travel, food and lifestyle blog.

I have taken a sabbatical from writing, but hey, i can't pass up the chance to see a chance for this blog to gain an award it so deserve.

By deegee

0
Posted in
i'm moving my blog somewhere else. ta-tah!

By deegee

1

so anyway.

"It's your own conscience


That is gonna remind you


That it's your heart and nobody else's


That is gonna judge."


-Bob Marley-

By deegee

1

so.

Posted in

i checked this awesome site. and it showed me who visits this blog, which city they're from, what linked them to my blog, and what search word they used. this is part of the result.

hello visitor :D

By deegee

1
Posted in
it wasn't me who called you. not my idea to text you. although i would always wonder how you've been, i'm never going to contact you.

By deegee

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ldr

i gave someone a hug today because her BF just left for Seattle. she turned away and seemed to have teared up.
me too.
i remembered the feeling of being left. i remembered how hard it was to cope knowing that the person who you used to spend every waking time with is now out of your reach. i remember crying myself to sleep most nights. i remember not daring to go out because every place reminded me of some happy memory. i remember the sadness. the loneliness.
those thoughts came back today. and i couldn't help but cry my heart out. even if i was at work and doing my work at the same time.
i remember praying just to be able to touch his face, or his hands. i used to imagine my pillow is that guy. and my blanket that comforts me is him, hugging me back. it was really really hard to not be able to reach out and hold the one you love. being together, not really doing anything, even if it's just the tip of your feet that touches each other? it's priceless.
that's why i can't blame harvey entirely about finding someone else. see? i've already forgiven him.

By deegee

1

yellow

Posted in
wow it's been a while since i've posted anything in my blog. i don't know why. but maybe it's because i plurk a lot instead of writing lengthy blog posts.
what's been happening to me lately? well. well.. well...

i don't know. i'm at a crossroads. i'm trying to distance myself from people i've been close to. i don't want to miss them if i leave them. i just want to start anew. good thing i have lifelong friends that i can count on. they know me the best, and they give the best advice. the only problem is, will i follow them?

By deegee

1

update

Posted in
seems like i have not been spending enough time writing anymore. i just have too many sites that i'm maintaining right now and my blogger seems to be one of my least prioritized. i just can't find the courage to confront what my innermost thoughts are and publish them on the web, knowing that someone who i don't know personally would be reading it.

there were too many things that happened in the past two weeks that i've not written about, mainly my birthday. and the subsequent celebration. well.. what can i say about the celebration? i was too drunk to remember what happened. all i know is...everybody had fun :)

By deegee

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thank you

ok so...it's past 2 and i'm officially 28 years old.

28 sounds so old. good thing i don't feel like i'm old. and i know age is relative. it's but a number.

i feel so loved and lucky to have so many friends. every time i opened my facebook account i get notifications of friends greeting me. even people i work gave me warm greetings that made my day complete.

i'm just so lucky i have them in my life. if not for some people, i don't think i'll ever get pass the depression stage when i realized everything i planned and dreamt of is gone. they're the people that kept me going if i felt that my whole future was falling apart.

i used to think i wouldn't be able to live without that guy harvey in my life. looking back, i know i can. i am forever grateful to my friend aldo for being with me during my darkest hour. he saw the whole thing and he witnessed how i really cried. i know i was so pathetic that day but he was there to comfort me. i'm also thankful to eraine for coming over to make sure i was okay and for seeing how i laughed and felt foolish while telling her the story. and to erwin, who in his own way helped me a lot by taking my mind off my main concern. i.e., saying that " the window is open." haha. and my teammates who were really there to lend an ear to my rantings, and i actually met a lot of new friends inside the office during this period. i'm not sure why but maybe it's because misery loves company. =þ

i did, however strayed away from my old friends. i didn't want them to hear about harvey because they knew him personally. i don't want to bad mouth the person even if he is worth bad mouthing. it's only lately that i was able to get back with them and talk about him. anyways what is there to talk about? it's done and over with. i also appreciate how they respected my silence and never asked intruding questions about what happened.

to whoever is reading this, please tell the guy thank you for being a jerk. if he wasn't i wouldn't have realized how lucky i was to have such wonderful friends and such wonderful life. i can keep smiling knowing that my life never revolved around him, so he wasn't such a big loss. and that i was right. we do have to live in the Now, not in whatever future which might not even come.




By deegee

1

birdie!

Posted in

on the 29th, i'll be celebrating the 10th anniversary of my 18th birthday.

wow. really? i'm 28? that fast huh?

a friend of mine asked me once how was it like to be 27? well. too many craziness happened. so i really don't know how to describe it.

well i don t want to write about it right now. later maybe.

just want to share a pic i stumbled upon. sorry i forgot where i got it.


By deegee

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shop talk

Posted in
seems like i haven't been writing anything lately. i guess i was just so preoccupied with my office life that i forget to write. yes i still go online. only on facebook and plurk, and i tend to forget i do have a blog.

hmm.. what to write about?

let's see. i hate my job, but i love my workplace. i want to quit doing the job i'm doing right now but i don't want to resign. first because i don't have enough savings, second because i enjoy the company of people i work with and third i don't think i can get another job which is as easy as what i'm doing right now for the same amount of salary i'm currently getting.

a lot of my friends had already resigned. most people i know are thinking of resigning too. the job isn't stressful. it's actually the management that's making it stressful. and the fraud calls. don't make me talk about the fraud calls. ugh. this is it for now. i think i would rather watch my frontierville plants grow than talk about work right now.

By deegee

1

my summer - part 1

Posted in ,
since i went through a major break up this year, i wanted to make sure i spend a lot of time for myself. i made sure my summer would be worth remembering more than that incident.where have i been these past few months?

i was just going to write a very short description of sagada, but see, i loved the place and decided to write this whole thing about my experience.

i went to sagada with 3 of my closest office friends. Yes, that's right. Me, erwin, aldo and raul. we planned our leaves but we didn't plan where to go. we decided to go to sagada days before we actually left. good thing i have connections who helped us find the perfect guide who helped us find a place to sleep and toured us around the rustic village and the dark caves.



we took the long way, a bus trip to baguio from 5 am to 12 noon,then another bus ride from baguio to sagada which took 6 hours. the road winds around the mountain. on one side all you'll see are cliffs, the other side, well, mountain. it was a welcome sight after all the billboards, the shanties and other garbage in the metro.

when we reached sagada at around 6 pm, it was really dark. i thought they didn't have road lights but it turned out to be a black out. haha. we went to eat at salt and pepper and had our first taste of the native's hospitality.

on our second day, we embarked on a spelunking expedition to sumaguing cave. it was, i guess more than 100 feet down, so it was really scary traversing the sometimes rocky, sometimes muddy with guano, sometimes wet earth. when we descended my companions left me in the middle of the path because the next part was chest high deep water. turned out the water there might get polluted with my menstruation. hehehe. so i spent 30 minutes waiting on a rock, smoking and staring at the darkness waiting for them to get back. it was scary not because i was thinking of lamang lupa and such, but i thought there would be snakes and bats. anyway, i got out of it alive so no biggie. :)

it took us half a day to do that. our guide, kuya John, saw that we seemed not to be fazed by the trek, told us that we will go visit the falls in the afternoon. so after lunch, we headed to Aguid, where we hiked for almost an hour to get to the Bomod-ok falls. the trail snakes through the rice terraces and goes on and on and on. since i did have my period that time my IBS attacked. good thing kuya john knows a lot of the people there and i took advantage of their toilet. bwahahaha!

anyways, it was a little disappointing that the falls during that time was not in full blast. of course i didn't dip in the water. it was really really cold. and there were a lot of people bathing and having their foot massaged. after the trek, it was a good thing our landlady, or auntie, prepared delicious food for us.

the next day was spent seeing the sights near the town proper. we went to the church, which was really really quaint. it made me think of going back there to get married. CHOS!
we also went to echo valley, which is just a bit of hike. kuya john said to shout all my anger away and it'll echo back to me. i tried shouting 'putangina ka harvey!' but apparently i lacked conviction and i didn't hear any echo. see, i'm not really angry. we also saw some hanging coffins, which are, by the way, eerie. and tried a bit of pottery. i successfully made an ashtray, and i fully intend to get it there. i will be back.

there were still a lot of places we didn't see. since we lack budget and time. i'm sure there'll be next time. looking at the pics every now and then make me want to go back there more. oh well, im sure i'll get the chance one day someday. we spent only 3 days there, it was tiring but worth every penny. :) definitely a place i'll go back to, again and again.



By deegee

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_____

Posted in




hey you!



what are you doing sneaking up in my blog???

if you're reading my posts, then leave a comment.

By deegee

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dump.

Posted in


here's something i wanna dump here before i completely erase from my yahoo account (which by the way i have to change passwords in fear of someone who knows my it will go delete it himself):


kapal ng mukha kung makapagsinungaling. until the end. what an asshole.

anyway. i'm trying to let go of all negativity in my life and i'm going off the radar for a while.

i'll keep this blog to remind me how NOT to trust another person completely.

to YOU, who visited this blog (from Edmonton, using a Mozilla Firefox browser, stentor national integrated communications network DSL connection) 5 times since May, I wish you the best of luck. you'll need it when Karma comes knocking on harvey's door.

And if you know the guy you keep typing on that google search box of yours*, say hi to him for me. and yes i still want someone to slap him really hard. and then, maybe then, i'll stop putting his name on my blog. =þ

after all, i didn't put this on the web for him or anyone else to read off of, i just need to take away some of the pain he caused.

i wasn't miserable these past few months, but i wasn't completely happy either. it was hard for me to trust anyone, and I did trust harvey. being betrayed the way he did to me is by far the worst thing i have experienced. that part is hard to get over. having loved and lost? tsk, i'm fine with that.



By deegee

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google.

Posted in

to you who seems to be always googling 'harvey hibo':

i can stalk you too.

believe what you see on the net. it's true. :þ

By deegee

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pffft.

Posted in
some days are really not worth it.

i woke up at 12 noon cuz my sister called me. argh! i still haven't recovered from my lack of sleep yesterday.

ah yesterday.

i dreamed about harvey. in my dream I called him accidentally. he was half asleep so he addressed me as he would before.. and talked about missing each other. i'm not sure if it was a dream or it really happened. made my day crappy yesterday.

i remember the feeling of talking to him.


By deegee

0

i'm ready!


http://home.fuse.net/skycorder/sponge/imready.wav
yes i am. ready to move on.
it's been 3 months since I found out the guy I thought was perfect isn't. he is a lying cheating a$$hole and took the cowardly way out of our almost 7 year long relationship.

yes, that pig on the right is the guy i'm talking about.

tomorrow, June 5th, would have been our 7th year as a couple.

we started out in college, me in UP and he in UST. mondays were the only days we usually could meet. we had so much in common, but knew each other so little. it all started out as just for fun, since we were both so young. we used to do too many things together. we used to like similar things. we went to places together.

when i think back all those years
we spent together, yes i was happy for a time. he and i get along really well, and we have fun wh
en we're together, with friends or even when we're talking on the phone.

i know i was really patient with him, and so was he to me. he doesn't smoke, i do, and he tolerated it cuz he "understands
" me. he leaves me hanging or waiting all the time, but i never lose my patience, cuz i understand him.

since he moved away, we did start drifting apart. at first it was working, we talk on the phone like he's just in marikina, chat when we're online or sometimes send
letters to each other.

(see, i don't even know if he's pretending to miss
me or he really does in this picture)

i felt the distance most especially when he moved to edmonton and told me he was moving farther away. it's like he is putting too much distance between us instead of bridging the gap to make it closer.

i thought we were different. i though the long distance wouldn't be a hindrance in our relationship. i thought he loved me. i thought he was as strong as he taught me to be. well i thought wrong.

i did think of breaking up with him long before i discovered his other girlfriend. most of my friends actually told me i should, but i was just so stubborn to admit the relationship wasn't working. i thought we could work things out. when he came home last year, all he did was
be mad at the smallest things. he changed. he used to be so happy go lucky and carefree like me, but when he visited, he was irritable, sensitive, homophobic and c
ursed at every opportunity he could. still, i tried to understand him.

(this was his pasalubong last year when he went home)

well i don't want to dwell anymore on those negative thoughts. i'm dumping these pics on my blog so i can erase them from my harddrive.

(this was our last happy couple picture) >>

what i want to do right now is celebrate, rejoice and be happy. :)

i am free. i don't have to pretend to care about his welfare. i don't have to think about what he would think every time i am enjoying myself. i don't have to worry myself to death about how he is faring over there in canada. i don't have to check my phone every minute when he tells me he was going to call but haven't. i don't have to think way far into the future and wonder what would my life be in a cold heartless place where he is now. i don't have to be sad even when i'm not just to make myself believe i am missing him and want him next to me. i don't have to give excuses for him to other people.

i just don't have to force myself to love miss and worry about him.

and i'm so so so GLAD it's over.

now, after 3 months, my grieving period is officially over.

yes i do miss what i thought he was, but i don't miss him as my howe anymore.

i still miss talking to him about inane things, but hey i can do that with my friends too.

i miss having a boyfriend, but not especially harvey as that boyfriend. he may have been any other guy and i would still miss him.

i am so over you, harvey jonas reyes chua hibo. you wasted a lot of my tears, effort, saliva, worry, money and 7 years of my life and i won't let you waste any more of it.

michelle andres, that obese guy's all yours. :)


By deegee

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coincidences

Posted in

sorry. no details. maybe, just maybe later.

By deegee

0

fed up

Posted in
i hate my teammates. they want to make fun of me and a certain guy during our outing. arrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhh! sometimes they just don't know when to stop.