0 may 13, 2009

By deegee

0

may 13, 2009

Posted in

what was so special about this day?

a year ago, harvey came home to manila after 3 years of living in canada. i can remember that day like it happened yesterday.

it was a planned vacation, but that day i still had work. harvey arrived the day before, but we decided to meet the day after he landed. so there, i was at work and i was nervous excited giddy and apprehensive all at the same time. i told my everyone about it, so they were kind enough to give me half day.

we agreed to meet at gateway. i arrived early, since it was just a few steps away from work. while i was retouching in the restroom he called and said he's already there. so i run as fast as i could towards where he was while still talking to him on the phone. he said he couldn't see me. i saw him first. i was happy.

we hugged. stared at each other for a long while. kissed. teased each other.hugged again. then i asked him to pinch me just to make sure i wasn't dreaming. it hurt, so i wasn't. we bantered, made a few jokes, laughed. it was like what it was before he left.

fuck why am i tearing up while writing this? oh well. i don't think i can continue writing. i'm not sure if i miss him as a person, or i just miss the thought that we used to be that close. maybe it's because i didn't see the changes in him because i was just so happy to see him.

i am confused. or maybe because i just had 2 bottles of beer and that's why my tears fall easily? i really don't know. frick. i hate this. i should get some sleep instead.

0 disturbia

By deegee

0

disturbia

Posted in

i think i'm going crazy.

one minute i'm almost crying and in the verge of jumping off of our rooftop, the next i'm laughing about a post i read online.

ah what is wrong with me? i can't even sustain one emotion for an entire hour? maybe i need to get a therapist. or a psychiatrist. i don't know.

i really am going crazy. i can't think straight. right now if i stop for a moment to try to think i know i'll feel depressed. i don't want to. it's too much to bear. it's easier to pretend to be happy and carefree. but until when can i take it? maybe one day it will all boil over and i'm afraid of what i can do to myself. i'm afraid i'll lose my sanity. i'm afraid i'll lose myself.

1 goodbyes

By deegee

1

goodbyes

Posted in

“Sometimes you have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to.”

Aside from birthdays, I also hate goodbyes. It makes me feel so sad and useless. I can't do anything to keep people from leaving.

The first time I encountered so much sadness was during our high school graduation. I felt so sad knowing that we are going our separate ways, yes, we will see each other again, but things will never be the same. Damn, am I right. I don't think I feel the same affinity and affection I had with my friends back home. We each went our different ways, found different interests (and friends), and even if we tell ourselves nothing has changed, everything had.

There was also a time I cried a lot when my officemates from c3 where 'laid-off'(is that right) while we were having a farewell party. My officemate kit actually took a picture of it:
Sorry if it looks pixelized. It has been lifted from and to different pcs thats why it looks that way. I was so overwhelmed by sadness of goodbyes that I can't help but cry.

I remembered the day my boyfriend left for Canada.I spent the whole day crying, and only stopped to eat. I was working in c3 then, and I didn't go to work. I called the office, and told them, I won't be able to go to work because I was not feeling well, emotionally. Don't laugh, because that's what I really told them.

I don't think I'll ever get over the feeling of being left, I know its hard to say goodbye and leave, but its such a pain to be the one left waiting. Hay, I miss harvey so much it really, really hurts.