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marriage doubts
Last night my officemates once again had another "chill out session," meaning we drank 2 or 3 bottles of beer again. I don't know who started the topic, but we talked about marriage and instead of the usual bashing session, and I ended up crying.
My officemate asked me why I didn't agreed on marrying my boyfriend before he left for Canada. I told him it wasn't enough reason for us to marry. Sure, we love each other so much, I am very afraid that I might loose him, but I don't want to tie him down just to make sure that I wouldn't loose him. I love him to death, and I don't think there will be any guy that I will love more than I love Harvey.
There are things that I want to do before I get married. I want to find myself, my purpose and my reason for existence. I want to achieve my dream, or and there seems to be something I need to prove to myself as an individual, and not as Mrs. Hibo. I know all those sound selfish when quoted out of context, but you see, I don't want to complicate my life further. How am I supposed to tell myself that I will give my heart and soul to one man, when I haven't found myself yet.
One more thing, I know that if I would not get to achieve whatever purpose or dream I have before I marry, I might pass my frustrations on to my future children. I know parents tend to do that (mine did, at least) and I don't want to, if I can help it. I know, i have too much pride, and ambition, but hey, I can't help it. I don't want to marry just because. I want to marry because I am ready.
Men marry because they are tired;
women, because they are curious:
both are disappointed.
women, because they are curious:
both are disappointed.
Oscar Wilde
